


Safe Haven

by GothicPrincessWitch



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Dealing with anxiety, Feels, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Panic Attacks, exploration of their relationship, takes place over the course of the game
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-15
Updated: 2016-09-15
Packaged: 2018-08-15 02:46:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8039422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GothicPrincessWitch/pseuds/GothicPrincessWitch
Summary: "It is always good to be at your side."Garrett Hawke and Fenris complete each other: Fenris makes Hawke feel anchored and grounded, and Hawke helps Fenris feel safe. This fic is an exploration of how the latter develops over the course of their relationship.





	Safe Haven

  |    
---|---  
  
 

 

 

It quickly becomes obvious to everyone among Garrett Hawke's circle of friends that Fenris has some rather paranoid tendencies. From the way the elf's eyes dart anxiously around a room to note any potential threats, exits, and escape routes, to the way he consistently keeps his back to a wall, facing the door at all times, and to the way he mostly refuses to make direct eye contact with anyone -- and when he does, it's blatantly a struggle for him -- it's perfectly clear to Hawke and company that the runaway slave is highly paranoid. Not that his reasons for it aren't justifiable, of course. They did meet him while he was trying to escape capture by bounty hunters. Fenris literally does have people out to get him. 

 

Garrett recognizes the signs of suspicion and anxiety easily. He has, after all, spent most of his life looking over his shoulder to keep Bethany safe from the Templars. He sympathizes. He tries to be respectful of Fenris's boundaries in hopes that the white-haired elf will feel more comfortable among the group, although Fenris still becomes guarded and defensive when anyone asks any prying questions about his enslavement or about the silvery-white vines of tattooed lyrium trailing over his skin. 

 

On one of these occasions, with poor Merrill on the verge of tears, Fenris storms away from the party, and Garrett hurries after him. "You didn't have to snap at Merrill like that," the rogue scolds him, trying to keep his voice gentle, like a hunter attempting not to scare off a wounded animal. 

 

A mistake, for Fenris takes offense. "I don't want her pity," he snarls, still facing away from Garrett, "and I don't want yours."

 

"It's not pity," Garrett insists, "but I'm certain she didn't intend to upset you--" His words are cut off because he was reaching out to touch Fenris's arm in a consoling gesture, only for the elf to tense up and rip his arm away, lyrium markings blazing. 

 

_**"Don't touch me."** _

 

Shit. Garrett stumbles back a few steps, his hand falling to his side. His heart pounds in his chest. He's never seen Fenris this upset before -- the elf is still glowing, gauntleted hands clenched into trembling fists -- and Garrett mentally slaps himself for his mistake in trying to grab the paranoid escaped slave. 

 

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean..." He can't think of the right words to apologize and repeats, "I'm sorry."

 

"It's fine," says Fenris flatly, resolutely looking away from Garrett. It clearly wasn't fine. "I do not like to be touched." The elf takes a deep breath to compose himself, and the blue-white glow dims. "I apologize. The markings... I would prefer it if you refrained from touching me again."

 

"Of course." Garrett nods. "I'm so sorry."

 

"It's fine, Hawke," Fenris sighs. He crosses his gauntleted arms over his chest, and with his head lowered and white bangs falling over his eyes and looking so vulnerable for a moment, Garrett can't help but want to wrap the elf up into a protective hug and assure him that he's safe. Stupid, stupid Garrett instantly curses himself for that thought because that is not the reaction he should have to Fenris's aversion to touch. 

 

Garrett can't help it, though. He's liked Fenris since their first meeting. And maybe it's his protective older brother instinct, or maybe it's something deeper, but all he can think of in that moment is just how much he wants to keep Fenris safe. 

 

That instinct to protect Fenris is one that never goes away. 

 

\------

 

It surprises Fenris how easily he falls into the pattern of fighting as a group. As Danarius's bodyguard and prized weapon and then for his three years thus far on the run, the warrior is used to fighting his battles alone. But now, with Hawke and his companions constantly facing attacks from gangs, cutthroats, slavers, raiders, giant spiders, shades, dragonlings, and Tal Vashoth on their many adventures, Fenris quickly learns to wield his sword alongside the others, working together as one cohesive unit. 

 

It is difficult the first time when Fenris finds that Hawke has slipped into position behind him, and he tenses, lyrium brands burning more brightly. However, discomfort soon turns to relief as fighting back-to-back among the melee becomes the norm for them. Fenris isn't used to having anyone protecting his back, to having anyone look out for him at all. It's a nice feeling, one he doesn't know how to categorize, only understands that it's more than gratitude. Being at Garrett's side, whether in combat or at the Hanged Man or traipsing through the Deep Roads, it feels right, like he belongs there, like he was always meant to stay at Hawke's side. 

 

Realization sinks in, and the notion makes Fenris's blood run cold. 

 

As a slave, he had always taken pride at being Danarius's masterpiece, the treasured trophy of the magister's achievements and ever at his master's side. Fenris once thought he was valued, but he wasn't really. Not as a person. Just as a thing to be used. 

 

Sometimes Fenris wonders if he's run from one master only to attach himself to another, with how he's so quick to follow Hawke's tactical commands in combat like a trained dog. No. Fenris dismisses that line of thought. Hawke asks for his help, never demands it, and the manner in which he looks at Fenris with those warm, honey-brown eyes... It's different. Nothing like the possessive gaze of Danarius. 

 

Fenris catches Hawke staring at him now, and the rogue turns away, reddening slightly. Fenris blinks. Very different indeed. 

 

\------

 

About two years after emerging from the Deep Roads, Fenris finds himself once again waylaid by bounty hunters. He is returning from an errand in Lowtown when he becomes aware that he is being followed. Not very many this time, and none from Tevinter, he surmises. In all likelihood a local mercenary group who heard of the extravagant price on his head and decided to try their luck. With Garrett Hawke's rise in status as the newest noble of Kirkwall, more and more people were starting to take notice of the curiously marked elf who followed him like a shadow. It is becoming foolish and dangerous for Fenris to stay in Kirkwall, as evidenced by this attack. 

 

The elf is a far better trained warrior than these men, and he is able to dispatch of them efficiently enough, taking only a shallow cut to the side and a few bruised ribs. Sword still in hand, Fenris takes a roundabout route back to his decaying manse in order to shake off any possible pursuit. He steps into the atrium and with a gasp finally lets loose the wave of fear he'd walled up. How many times can he do this? How long can he keep running when they keep coming after him over and over?

 

The elf steps into the main hall only to discover more hunters lying in wait for him. 

 

\------

 

Panic. Wave after wave of panic rushes over him. He can't breathe, can't think. Stupid. He'd been distracted, hadn't paid enough attention, should have seen this coming. Fool. Stupid, damned fool. _Venhedis, fasta vass._  

 

Not safe here. Could be more. Need to get away. Escape. Run. Go. Flee. _Run!_

 

Tripping over a fallen corpse, Fenris runs. 

 

\------

 

Bodahn, the steward of the Hawke estate, opens the front door at the second knock and pales to see the glowing, blood-covered elves warrior with dark red gore staining his spiked gauntlets and arms. "Serah Fenris!" He starts. 

 

"Hawke," is the only word Fenris manages to say, and the dwarf steps aside to allow him entrance. 

 

"Messere Hawke is in his study," says Bodahn, eyeing the blood and dirt Fenris's feet track onto the carpet. "If you'll just--"

 

But Fenris has already rushed off and burst into the study, only to halt suddenly, at a loss for words. At the commotion, Garrett instinctively starts to draw a dagger but drops it, honey eyes widening at the sight of Fenris's blood-drenched, lyrium-pulsing state. "Fenris," he gasps, his voice sharp with fear. "Are you hurt? What's wrong?"

 

Shame causes the elf's face and pointed ears to redden as the lyrium glow finally dims. He feels weak to gave come here expecting-- He doesn't know why he came here. 

 

Garrett comes over to him, expression soft with worry, and Fenris finds he can't bear to meet that gaze. "Hunters," the elf manages to say. "I killed them. I apologize. I shouldn't bother you with this."

 

"It's ok, Fenris," Garrett reassures him. "You can always come to me for help. That's... a lot of blood. Do you want me to send for Anders?"

 

Fenris shakes his head. "It's nothing I can't stitch up myself. I just..." He hates this, feeling weak, feeling like he needs to rely on someone else. He should be stronger than this. And he cannot handle the war Garrett is looking at him right now. 

 

But the idea of going back to the mansion tonight, where there still might be more hunters waiting to ambush him, is enough to put him on the verge of a second panic attack. Keeping his green eyes locked on the ground, Fenris reluctantly murmurs, "I hate to impose, but--"

 

"Stay here tonight. Please."

 

Fenris looks up into a very intense expression on Garrett's face. "Hawke, I..."

 

"If you want to, that is, in one of the guest rooms. If you don't, that's alright, but I'd rather walk you back to your mansion if so." Garrett's usual charm has vanished, replaced with awkward rambling. He appears as uncertain as Fenris feels in that moment. "But first you should, you know, clean up and take care of those wounds. I can help. I'm great at helping. I know you don't want me touching you, but I can do something..." His rambling trails off at the sight of a tiny, relieved smile on Fenris's face. 

 

"Thank you, Garrett," says Fenris softly. 

 

And then, to the surprise of them both, Fenris wraps his arms around Garrett and embraces him. He hates that he needs this, but right now, he needs to feel safe, and he doesn't know of any place safer than with Hawke. Garrett only hesitates for a half second before holding him close, and Fenris knows Garrett can feel him trembling. 

 

He pulls away and grimaces. "I've gotten blood on your clothes."

 

"I don't mind at all."

 

"You should. It looks terrible," says Fenris dryly, and Garrett laughs. 

 

Then he sobers and with a serious look promises Fenris, "I won't let them take you. I'll do anything to keep you safe."

 

\------

 

Things progress slowly when they begin their relationship. Fenris isn't comfortable with affection. Or rather, he doesn't know how to give or accept affection. Not after everything Danarius did to him. He'd thought he loved Danarius once. His master was his whole world, everything he knew. He'd believed Danarius cherished him, too. It wasn't until he'd escaped that Fenris realized just how thoroughly he'd been degraded and used.

 

And now that he-- cares for Garrett Hawke and Hawke cares for him in return, Fenris doesn't know what he to do. The only experience he has to draw upon is tainted and toxic, and he doesn't want his past shadowing what they have together anymore than it already does. 

 

So he feels lost, and he isn't certain how to proceed. 

 

Not to mention that the lyrium brands have made his skin sensitive, part of why he doesn't like being touched. At the same time, he isn't made out of glass, and he absolutely does not want Garrett treating him like a fragile ornament that could shatter at any moment. Fenris has had enough of being treated like an object, and while of course he knows that Garrett doesn't think of him that way, years of bitterness over a decade of conditioning are difficult to put aside. 

 

Underneath all his other doubts and fears, Fenris wonders if he's not anywhere near good enough for Hawke. An elf, a slave, damaged goods... Surely Hawke deserves better. 

 

But he wants Garrett, wants to be with Garrett, and for some unfathomable reason Garrett Hawke loves him, so Fenris is willing to try. 

 

They go slowly. A kiss here, an embrace there, holding hands. 

 

Then one night, after a long evening at the Hawke estate drinking wine and talking and Garrett telling him some of the ridiculous stories Varric has been spreading around, Garrett asks him to spend the night. Fenris stiffens, but Garrett hurriedly clarifies that he means just sleeping. Together. In the same bed. Not, you know, "sleeping" together. Garrett is blushing, and Fenris is blushing, but the right side of Fenris's mouth curves into a tiny smile, and he consents. 

 

That first night they lay on opposite sides of the bed, a valley of blankets and silk sheets between them. Fenris's heart is beating so fast and loud that he's certain Garrett can hear it. Venhedis. He flips into his side, his back to his-- lover? boyfriend? None of these terms feel right for what they are. 

 

"Good night, Hawke," Fenris whispers and squeezes his eyes shut. 

 

\------

 

Fenris has adopted one of Garrett's shirts to sleep in. It's red and far too big for his tiny frame. The elf is practically drowning in all the fabric. But it's comfortable, and it smells like Hawke, like cinnamon and leather and that oil he uses to polish his daggers. It smells... safe. That doesn't make any sense. 

 

What is wrong with Fenris? Why does he feel like the ground is falling out from beneath his feet whenever Garrett kisses him? Why does being with Garrett make him feel stable and secure in a way he never has before?

 

The mornings when he wakes up in Garrett's arms, his silver hair spilling across Garrett's chest, Fenris can almost believe that he might have a chance at a happy, normal life. 

 

But then he remembers what he is, what he's done, that he's hunted, and he returns to his senses. It's only a matter of time before Hawke finally notices how twisted and broken Fenris is. Just like his stay with the Fog Warriors, this is nothing more than a brief fantasy life, a dream from which he will awaken. He clings to it while he can. 

 

The darkness of his past has bled over into their relationship more than once already. Fenris has disturbed Hawke several times with his recurring nightmares (although thank the Maker he apparently cries out in Tevene when this occurs and that Garrett can't understand what he's saying). And then there was that first morning, the first time they'd spent the night in the same bed...

 

Fenris had awoken to the feel of a warm shake at his back and an arm wrapped around his waist, and still half asleep, he had immediately thought, Danarius... Realization then crept over him, and his face burned crimson with humiliation. 

 

It used to be that Danarius was the only one whose presence made Fenris feel safe. Lower-ranking slaves would send him envious glances for being the master's favorite, while Hadriana tormented. And the magisters gave him hungry looks, their gazes devouring him as they'd run their eyes covetously over his body or trace their fingers over the curling lines of lyrium. Fenris's breath would catch in his collared throat, and he'd shrink closer to his master. Danarius chuckled in amusement and, petting Fenris's pretty silver hair, murmured, "Don't be frightened, my dear Little Wolf. If you're very, very good, I won't let them touch you."

 

But he'd let them have Fenris nevertheless. 

 

It sickens Fenris to compare what he believed he felt for his former master with what he now has with Hawke. It makes him feel tainted, unclean. Certainly unworthy. But he has had no other experiences to shape him. 

 

But Garrett's touch is different. Garrett is gentle and sweet, his displays of affection lacking any underlying possessiveness. Garrett doesn't control him or manipulate him. 

 

He loves him. 

 

And now Garrett wakes and presses his lips to the three white dots on Fenris's forehead. One strong, callused hand cupping Fenris's cheek, Garrett smiles and says, "Morning, love."

 

Venhedis, that dazzling smile leaves Fenris feeling dizzy. 

 

A soft blush blooming over his cheeks, the pointed tips of his ears pink, the elf brushes a light kiss against Garrett's mouth and softly, almost shyly says, "Thank you... For putting up with me. I realize I'm not the easiest person to be with..."

 

Garrett grins broadly, blushing as well, and makes some terribly bad joke Fenris can't help but laugh at, and just for this morning, Fenris allows himself to dream, to hold on to this moment of happiness with Garrett. 

 

\------

 

Fenris breaks Garrett's heart the night he leaves. But he can't do this. He can't. And it's not fair to him or to Garrett to force himself into something he's not ready for and may never be capable of. He's too broken to be with Garrett. 

 

He'd woken up from the dream. 

 

\------

 

A few weeks later Fenris returns to that same bedroom. Garrett is staring numbly at the fireplace, and Fenris feels awkward. No, insufficient. What can he possibly say to comfort Garrett at a time like this? In this same room where he so recently shattered Garrett's heart, does Garrett even want him here?

 

Fenris sinks down on the bed beside him, and Garrett rests his head against Fenris's shoulder. "Thank you for coming," whispers Garrett. He remains in the comforting circle of Fenris's arms all night. It turns out Fenris doesn't really need to say anything. He just needs to be there. 

 

\------

 

After that night, things are less awkward between them. Once Fenris begins taking reading lessons, he goes back to staying overnight at the Hawke estate one or two nights a week. He allows Garrett to hold him because he trusts that Garrett won't press for anything further. 

 

It would be better for Garrett if he moved on from Fenris, the elf thinks to himself; but he doesn't leave, and he doesn't push Garrett away. Even though he can't be with Garrett the way he wants to -- the way he knows Garrett wants him to -- Fenris stays at his side and in his arms. 

 

\------

 

When Danarius descends the stairs of the Hanged Man, Fenris's world fractures around him. His master-- _former_ master-- _here_ \-- and with Hawke-- 

 

"Do I detect a note of jealousy?" Danarius smirks at Hawke, to whom he refers as Fenris's current owner. "The lad is _rather_ skilled, isn't he?" 

 

A surge of hatred and rage erupts from Fenris. Lyrium blazing blue-white, the escaped slave attacks. Garrett is with him to help him fight, and Danarius will never lay hand or magic on him again. 

 

\------

 

The next morning Garrett and Fenris awaken in a tangle of naked limbs and sheets in the elf's decaying mansion. Fenris looks up at Garrett with a brilliant smile, green eyes shining, and then brings his mouth to Garrett's for a long, slow kiss. Garrett pulls Fenris even closer as the elf lays his head on Garrett's chest. 

 

If only they could stay here in this moment forever. Fenris couldn't possibly be any happier than he is right now. And he is. Happy. Happier than he ever truly thought he could be. Happier than he ever thought he deserved. 

 

Fenris has changed so much. To go from all alone to having friends, people he trusts... To go from unable to bear being touched, to wanting-- no, yearning to be touched by Garrett... From being a worthless, broken slave to becoming a person capable and deserving of love and happiness...

 

Fenris belongs with Garrett Hawke. Not to. Garrett doesn't own him. But safely entwined in Garrett's arms, that is where he has always been meant to be. 

 

Closing his eyes and making a small sound of contentment, Fenris murmurs into Garrett's skin, "I remain at your side."

\------ 

 

**Author's Note:**

> This work was previously posted on my Tumblr, @gothic-princess-witch. Fenris feeling safe and happy means everything to me and means everything to my Hawke. Thank you so much for reading!


End file.
